Banned from zoo.
Again?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize