This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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