Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
