yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
