My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize