she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
