Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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