You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
