Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
