Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
