Have you finally orgasmed yet?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
