After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
