So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
