You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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