You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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