im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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