I didn't shave. On purpose
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
