It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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