So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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