Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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