like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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