im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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