Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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