he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
