And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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