why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
