Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
