Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
