Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
