I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
