apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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