Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
