We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
