we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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