I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
