the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
