Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize