i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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