dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
