the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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