we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
