Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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