why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He called his prostate his "boner button".
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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