look no pants
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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