I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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