Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
