Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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