I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize