somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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