so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
