It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
