bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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