Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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