she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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