he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
