where am i from again
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
