Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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