I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
