bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
