Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
