I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
