I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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