I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
