Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
