At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
