The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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