I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
