I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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