I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
