shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
