every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
