Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
