someone threw a dead crab at me
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
