May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
3pm strippers are depressing
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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