I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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