Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
