I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
