I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
