I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
