I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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