i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize